I grew up in scotland and was greatly influenced by my father whom i admired and loved greatly. He never smoked,drank sensibly, but gambled almost everyday. I resisted smoking until my late teens when i joined the RAF and fell in with what in those days was just the thing to do. I ended up a very heavy smoker (even though I was an athlete,and a good one) and soon after started drinking,slowly at first, but after a few years I was a very heavy drinker also. I stopped smokning cold Turkey when iwas 29 and did it by visiting bars and drinking coffee and tea as i was told that would make me start again. I did not smoke ever again,which in some respects indicates a strong will. I still drank heavily and started gambling ( I had done some in the past but was not hooked at that time)as the excitement and adrenalin rush was euphoric at times and I would actually lose cotrol of my composure during a race i had gambled on. At this stage gambling was reasonably under control.I was away on busines many years ago when i went to a dance and met a women(I was drunk ,I think she had too many also) ,I was married at the time but I went back to my room with her and we had sex. I woke up the next morning horrified at what I had done and was really ashamed. My wife had travelled to visit me that day and she somehow Knew what i had done. It was a bad and a good event,my marriage survived but at that time I vowed to give up drinking and I have never touched a drop since (another indicator of strong will?) For whatever reason after I stopped drinking my gambling increased ten fold and that was over 25 years ago.I have had up and down start and stops but i am now really worried about my ability to stop.I have spent at least $250000 (probably more).I am in my 70s now and although I am not poor I will certainly head that way soon if i cannot break this hols it has on me. I have survived,a stroke, dibilitating ear disease, and recently cancer so i am fighter . Question: how do I approach this addiction now?
2 التعليقات:
I read your post with full attention and openness .
Might I suggest, and I'm not sure where this statement is coming from except from the heart (a place where spirit dwells). Might I suggest, just for a moment, since it's been soooo many years of struggle with many things and you are not broke financially yet (as you say) GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF RECOVERY for YOU and your long deserved PEACE OF MIND , SPIRIT, SOUL. Just open your heart to yourself and allow in all that light and see the light and love that is already there. I "think/feel" that money is not the focus to be having or the reason to shift your behavior. I thing/feel that it is YOU, the blessed deserving self that wants to be heard and honored and nurtured and loved...recovery (GA is very good option) is calling your sweet self to it. Heart felt blessings dear one. You are in the right place. Congratulations on your gift to self. May your life continue to be more and more blessed as your recovery progresses. One addiction takes the place of another and compounds over the years, what lies beneath is a little voice saying help...and there is help and you will be happier. I think!
Much love and respect,
Tara
Hope that this post sits well with you as it just came to me spontaneously.
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